rabioheab:

How To Convince A Police Officer Not To Arrest You

• start doing the worm on the ground in front of the officer
• don’t stop no matter what they say
• if they try to sedate you just keep doing the worm
• if they get you into the police car keep doing the worm
• they will let you go at some point probably

I think I’m a terrible person

believed:

one of these oscars is gonna be a portkey i know how this ends i read harry potter

So I was driving along with my best friend in the passenger seat next to me. Suddenly the car in front of me skidded on ice and I had to emergency brake. Before I knew it my hand was across my friend to stop her from flying forwards She looked at me and told me she couldn’t believe that my first thought would be to save her. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that, as a pizza delivery driver, I have developed a reflex action to stop the pizzas flying off the seat whenever I emergency brake.

(Source: laughingisbetter)